One of the tell-tale signs of domestic violence victims is we get stuck in the fight, flight or freeze mode. Our natural human instincts turn on our self-preservation mechanism when we are threatened or under attack repeatedly.

I was frozen in the cycle of abuse with my former husband for years and my reaction was to want to get away. In fact, looking back on my entire life, I have always wanted to run away. The people in my childhood who were supposed to care for me and protect me did the opposite and I just wanted to get away.

Psalm 71: 1-4
“In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame! In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; incline your ear to me, and save me! Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come; you have given the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress. Rescue me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked, from the grasp of the unjust and cruel man”

My escape from my abuser was the most terrifying flight I have ever under-taken. Leaving with two children, 3 and 5 years old, with only what I could hide in the van, no money, no plan and only the trust in Jesus who told me clearly, “It’s time to go.” This was the fourth attempt to get away and the final one.

Sharon wrote in her book, “Ashes to Diamonds and Rubies”, that unless you have lived it, you can’t understand why we stay. We believe them when they say they will change, it won’t happen again, they are sorry. If you have children like me, there were two reasons I stayed. At first, I didn’t want my kids to grow up in a broken home, I truly meant my marriage vows and wanted to honor them until death. Later, as things got scarier, I was afraid for my children to ever be alone with him without me, so I stayed to protect them. And then, the times he threatened to disappear with them, kept me living the cycle.

What I do know for sure is God’s plan for us, his precious daughter, is NEVER to be the target of abuse by their significant other or spouse. We are not frozen, we are not stuck, we have a protector, provider, redeemer, forgiver in Jesus Christ. When I laid my sin before the Lord and asked Him to take control of my life, to guide my steps, and to be my provider, he did more than I ever could have imagined.

Psalm 51: 1-2
“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!”

The day that I left the Upper Peninsula of Michigan was March 2nd, we were buried in snow, the feeling of being frozen and stuck was reflected in the reality of the environment. But as I progressed south down the highway, toward family who would take me and the children in, putting miles and miles between us and the rage of my abuser, the outside world changed with us, the further south we drove, the snow melted, the sun emerged and the beginnings of crocuses could be seen in gardens. I was moving from being frozen in a pit and new life was warming in front of me.

When I stepped out in faith and trusted that Jesus would take care of us, all of my immediate worries, fears and the unkown were cast onto Jesus. (Recovering from sociopathic narcisisst abuse is a long road and learning how to cast the pain and damage off to Jesus is a daily walk.)

Isiah 41:10
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Trust Jesus. He will never leave you or foresake you.He will provide abundantly, more abundantly than you can imagine. This does not mean stuff….it means peace, His peace, the peace that passess all understanding.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares theLord, plans for good and not for evil,to give you a future and a hope.Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me,and I will hear you.You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares theLord..”.

The bright shining light of Jesus can thaw the frozen if you seek Him.

Grace and peace,

Angela K