We all have a need to be loved and feel like our life matters to someone. Children who feel safe, secure and loved thrive into emotionally healthy adults so much better than children who receive mixed messages about their value as a person. I can speak from experience as a child in dysfunctional circumstances from birth till I left home that I never really felt like my life mattered much. I always felt a void in being loved and protected.

I did feel love from my mother, she provided my basic needs such as shelter and food. Although so many things appeared to be more important to her. She was always at work when I was not in school due to working afternoon shift at a factory. She was a single mom in my early years and worked to take care of us. I’m sure she didn’t intend for me to feel unimportant but it was my perception as a child. She married my stepdad when I was ten and then our lives revolved around him and it was not good. My mother was seeking to be loved at the cost of losing herself. I then followed in her footsteps and ended up in my own dysfunctional marriage and was in survival mode as a young mom, just like my mom was. History was repeating itself and to a worse degree, the abuse would be increased to another level in my life and my children.

Generational patterns evolve and repeat themselves, sometimes going from bad to worse as our world and culture gets darker. Technology has caused increased vulnerability in children to become trapped in addiction to screens. Access to pornographic images and dangerous people seeking to groom children on the internet also pose a great risk to children. The internet can be an open door to a very dark world that lead children into very evil pathways. I say all this to bring awareness to the importance of children knowing they are loved, valued and that their lives matter.

Children need to be protected and cherished for the unique creation each one of them are and be assured of these things by the caregivers actions. Limiting screen time and parental locks are necessary protection. Making time to open and real communication about their feelings and concerns. Family fun time even if it’s playing board games or video games or just spending time together for outside activities. Clear expectations and healthy discipline for consequences is also a form of love.

When all you know is a dysfunctional family life it’s so hard to provide a healthy home for children. There is a way to break the cycles of abuse and generational junk! There must be a change from repeating the same poor behaviors but keep the positive family traits. Awareness and knowledge is where change starts and it’s not easy but it’s worth it to do the hard work.

The Bible says, “My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge.” Hosea 4:6. Knowledge goes hand in hand with wisdom and James 1:5 says, “If any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

Are you desperate for change, tired of spinning on the wheel of abuse, just surviving from one blow up to another? Maybe concerned that your children think this is normal life and deep in your heart you know this is not healthy and you long for better things for your kids. I stood in those shoes many years ago and I have so many regrets for not taking action sooner than I did to make the changes needed for a healthy home for my children to not fall into the same traps that I did. I was desperate to break the chains of the generational chaos of addiction, abuse, anger, depression and the list goes on.

There is hope friend! It starts in accepting God’s love for you and believing that you are valued and were created for good things, and your children are as well!

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future, Then you will call on me and come to me and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13
“For God so loved the world (YOU) that He sent His only son (Jesus) and whoever believes in Him will never die but will have eternal life.” John 3:16

This is where I started, asking God to help me right where I was at, and my life was a mess! I accepted Jesus love and began a new journey of faith realizing that the circumstances of my life tried to destroy me and my children. Father God gave me courage, knowledge and wisdom to learn truth and how to overcome what life had dealt me. He directed my steps to break free from unhealthy patterns of abuse and to teach my children that abuse is never ok. I wish I could tell you it was easy but It was a long process of learning to listen to the Holy Spirit and seek counsel to get emotionally healthy.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don’t lean on your own understanding but in ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your steps.” Proverbs 3:5-6

“The Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” John 14:26 (Jesus words)

Generational patterns were broken and my children did not repeat the same cycles of past generations. All four of my children have healthy and functional families full of love, not perfect but so much better than what they grew up with. My three sons are faithful husbands and loving dads to their children. My daughter married a man who cherishes her and their children. They all have continued to teach their children about God’s love and to honor God and love Jesus for saving us from our sin and brokenness.

I share this with you so that you will have hope too! This all happened as a result of God’s grace in my life and God’s grace is for everyone who calls on Him! I pray for you to know the fullness of Father God’s love for you and that you will truly seek Him with all your heart. He has healed me of so many things, sins done against me and my own sin that brought painful consequences into my life. But God, in His mercy has worked everything out in my life for good, even the worst of the worst stuff.

”For we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love God and are called for His purposes,” Romans 8:28

If you need more resources go to the help page of my website, there you will find some more resources to help you on your journey to deeper faith and healing.

In His Healing Love, Sharon Kay